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Scrambled thoughts...

So it didn't work out between mr. perfect and i.  well ok he wasn't so perfect.  And it was more of his wife that didn't work out.  But needless to say i was feed a ton of lines... and then one morning i wake up to find the carpet pulled completely out from under me.

We had all gone to dinner the night before, and apparently according to her i acted to childish to deal with.... and her veto was tossed out.  I know i am giggly and really i can be a little flighty.... but i still can't wrap my head around the childish thing.  he says he still loves me, that he still needs and desires me.  but she is first.  and i get that i really do. 

i really wish i had done something horrible.. something truely hate worthy.  i hate that i love him... i hate that i would do anything for him.  all he has to do is ask.  i am the queen of unrequited love.  some days i do question if he ever loved me or if i was just a new warm hole.  he hasn't talked to me in over a month.  but she will randomly send me messages when she sees i am online.  just to check in (she knows i am a brittle diabetic).  she told me that she just couldn't deal with being in a relationship with someone who acted like a teenager... and that pretty much i needed to grow up.

you know what she needs to grow up... she needs to figure out how to be an adult. and realize that not everyone in the world will do and act exactly how she wants.

i hate that i have let this whole situation get to me so badly.  i hate that my daughter has seen me cry over a f'n boy.  and yes i said boy.. bc the way it ended was not the words of a man.

in other news, i have a new job.  Working at home for an atty that i used to work for about a million years ago.  i am really liking it.  working in jammies is the best!


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May 2011
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